Existential Seize

creeping insanity of delusional reality
has been a regular dose of psychosis.
Illusion of your vivid structure
on a clear night skies along the moon
or be it the theatrical performance
of the gloomy clouds
in forming your flamboyant reflection
delusion of you never seem to seize.

the existential bummer-
existence of me without you,
existence of your imagery everywhere
-reality itself seems like a dream trapped in a virtual nightmare.
The fact that the distance between us-
suffice to fit this universe and millions more
-let us know how far apart we are,
Yet,
the hypnotic pair of eyes you possessed
i am obsessed with purified version of you.
I exist in a simulated reality you designed
and I
-the lunatic that i have become-
created for my existence.

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Wish You Were Here

the comfort you seek on those random arms
are they warm enough to bury the cold you left me?
did you find your happiness,
prices over my lost soul?
are the colors bright in your room?
scarred and stabbed, i bounce on this dark one.
searching and waiting
wishing you were here.

does it feel heavenly
trading my love for the gold ring?
hellish that i have become
frozen, broken, shattered and numb.
divine must be the walks on those streets now
once where you’d hold my hands with hope.
bleeding and dying
wishing you were here.

Do you think you can tell?
shattered glass from empty skies,
moaning stars on naked nights.
fractured heart from broken might?
do you think you can tell?

your voice echo
burning desires and dropping tears.
what have you found?
what have i found?
comfort in pain,
pain in comfort?
lost in disdain
still
wishing you were here.

______________________________________________________

note:
every morning every night
stories of horror
of whats done wrong and whats done right.
the deceiving smile of you shining bright
like and angel
eating me alive
inside out
and yet
wish you were here

[The title has been shamelessly stolen from Pink Floyd’s ultra famous tune “Wish You Were Here”. Not just the title, as you read (if you happen to read) you will know other things have also been lifted from the same track. Before anyone points out, I accept it myself that it is blasphemous of me to even use anything from this timeless tune. ]

Thoughts-Dreams & Nightmares

Dreams-

beautiful as it may be the dreams

washed away to the calls of morrow

lost in the realms of blinking eyes

never to be reflected again

the shining sun

and surf over the clouds

mesmerizing as it may seem

vanish in a click

—————————————————————————–

Nightmares-

nightmares are the ones that linger

stretching memories of terror

blessed with a cruse

and a warmth of a depressing angel

that seem not to stop

ever again.

the torture are to endure for life

snapped triggers out of control

forever bound to the slavery of dark messenger.

Permanent Damage

An angel in disguise pushed me down below
i seek dark alleys
a heavey magnetic force draws me into darkness

an angel without wings flapped and flew away
the foot prints behind
only gush of thin air to fill the hollowness

and i scream to this darkness
ahhhh i scream to this emptiness
i scream to the pathetic desperation.

Irreplaceable
your touch on my lips still trails
and the skins tremble with the memories
damage has been done
permanently.

even the kings have to die
mere peasant that i am
suffering is decreed.
there is no denying
this is the death of me.

so i scream again
this time for survival
against betrayal
im a damage case
permanently unstable.

Scarred Sanity

Deep sleepy eyes wide open
at 2:41 AM
with a sudden thought of you,
a photographic memory
is a curse to have
each and every thing plays like a movie
a year of memory in a split second
stuck in a time of complete passion and devotion
a worthless memorabilia
of torture and pain and misery.

Room full of people
at 11:37 AM
all are but white noise and nothing else
while staring out the window
onto nothingness full of dust and disgust
wondering of the times of good
while the heart feels all the chill
sulking over the period of times of fulfullness
where everything was
bright and yellow and orange and everything.

Cup of tea on the table
at 5:18 PM
a sip of loneliness
a pain never fathom
contemplating on the warmth once felt
all gone in an instant
now as cold as this tea
that has been sitting on the table for 30 minutes
drop the cup
break it down into millions like yourself.

Arms and legs spread apart
at 9:52 PM
under the blanket on cold winter nights
a frozen body lays underneath
pulsating with every memory
every words
every thoughts
reminiscence of what once was
what once used to be
what you were and what you made me,

A DEAD BODY.

Pills of Solace

A prescription paper

and a medication bottle

2 pills on the morrow

2 at the deepest dark of night

“oh how bright is this sweet fuckin life”

a cherish smile and a sense of accomplishment

a ticking clock and narrowing senses-

“I WANT TO DESTROY”

 

im a ticking time-bomb

buying time with these pills.

from sun rise to sun set

full moon and empty skies

pills of solace

between

heart beat and heart race.

like a mechanized robot

im devised

with these fuels.

 

These pills of false reality

are as fake as you.

These pills are overrated

so are you.

these pills are flawed

just like you.

“I WANT TO FUCKIN DESTROY”

 

Destroy the entity of my being

Destroy the pain i have swallowed

Destroy cause everything makes me sick

Im gonna explode

Im gonna

pop the bottle down to every grain

pop the bottle down to every grain

pop the bottle down to every grain.

 

Pills of Solace

kindly lay me to rest.

 

killing from the inside

bold as thunder stronger than lightening
lost in the darkness of mighty night
with no stars shining
a man walks alone
step by step
his face brightening
lightening
pacifying
until ounce by ounce
solitude clawed psyche
terrify
mortify
vindicating the fear within

killing from the inside

dig the bloody messy self
focus the fuckin mind
its a fuckin achievement-
self solidarity.
resilient as mountain
furious/calm as volcanic eruption;
JUST NOT ENOUGH.
the human mind
unstable psyche.
this isolation
polarity depression
irrational mania within

killing from the inside

slave to the solitude
the pills of solace
the drinks of rage
the smokes on thin air…..
chase the time away;
delusional-
shifting reality
for how LONG?????
the stigma engraved deep
tickin like a time-bomb the insanity within rises
creeps back from your head
paralyzing you down to the ground.
submerge to self pity
submission to the hollow inside
engulf by the sorrow within

killing from the inside

(The title has been abstracted from a song “JumpDaFuckUp” by “Soulfly” nonetheless the content evoke different meaning. I guess, not sure!!)

COPYRIGHT SAJAN DANGOL 2013.