You Know What I Hate

the very existence.
the very existence of me captivated in a void, in a nothingness, surrounded by these material beings
lifeless as it seems, but these are what i interact with for a glimpse of you.
the futility of existence
of giving hope, the dream, the vision of what is to be
only to have it all crashing down like a castle made of glass
shattered and broken with a single crack.
The hope of heaven on earth, the clairvoyance of you and me walking hand in hand forever and ever
the eternity of being larger than this universe even though we are a trivial being living within it,
only to realise it was a constructed memory based upon the blind sighted affection and gratitude
and the very existence of remaining time, consumed by emptiness, is to deconstruct the same memory
while living through it every day -physically and virtually.
Deconstruction, the dismantle of the memory is the most agonizing and very much hated.

The worthless anticipation
the known probability is next to zero or even negative yet the heart hangs by the skin for the possibility of what might be
in this infinite universe.
Its so pathetic, the passing of time, the ticking of clock and yet the anticipation never disappears
rather the anxiety grows larger and larger pushing the button for this urge to make a first move, or a millionth one.
A mistake, may it be, the anxious anticipation
this uncontrollable desire
but you were a shot of dopamine and we both knew it.

you know what i hate, the knowledge of nonexistent.
The knowledge of nonexistent
is a frightening thought as at one point
we were a singularity and we big banged into our own creation
our own universe, revolving around each other
until you destroyed me completely
you destroyed me completely and mercilessly
engulfing the very existence of me like a blackhole devouring the entire galaxy.
And now a meaningless creature that i have become as you shine upon others light
i cant help but wonder does that light outshines my entire purpose, my entire existence.
tell me am i nonexistent to your futile existence?!

Thoughts-Dreams & Nightmares

Dreams-

beautiful as it may be the dreams

washed away to the calls of morrow

lost in the realms of blinking eyes

never to be reflected again

the shining sun

and surf over the clouds

mesmerizing as it may seem

vanish in a click

—————————————————————————–

Nightmares-

nightmares are the ones that linger

stretching memories of terror

blessed with a cruse

and a warmth of a depressing angel

that seem not to stop

ever again.

the torture are to endure for life

snapped triggers out of control

forever bound to the slavery of dark messenger.

Annihilate the world

[there comes a time in life when everything falls apart you see,
so you wait for a while…. before you do anything
sometimes you destroy everything]

lurking behind the faded smile
masquerade
lies the saddening eyes
Absolute worthless
existence of this life.

Denial of sensibility
all senses seize to exist
incubation of the new one
formation of the fortress,
Unbroken.

you belonged to me
and now you dont.
i needed you
while you didnt.

Paranoia pacification
inner peace temptation
a clarity of vision
spiritual degradation
a birth of a demon.

Breed the anger within
Hopeless isolation
I am Furious
Annihilate the motherfuckin world.

Hearts over Cards

[I said: No one can love you more than I do
and she replied: Challenge!!??
I ended it up in laughter at that moment..
but later i realized.
and I said: Yes Challenge.]

No matter
who you are married to
who you are with
who you spend your life,
at this very exact moment,
as of now,
if time holds still,
i challenge you,
no one will ever love you more than I do.

I challenge.

Let not my love for you crumble into pieces
and have a stain
in this beautiful thing called love,
cause all i have known, all i have realized,
while falling madly in love
with you,
while going through all those agonizing misery,
love is precious.
Love is pure.
no matter what, love is divine.
For me…….love is you.

Morbid

cause living is denial
and death is ultimate truth
casue mortality is curse
and immortality is the truce

cause existance is futile
gillion creatures survived this universe
souls travel millions
across the eternal multiverse

cause rising about the sun
melts the skin and bone
and spirits swallow the full moon
along with moonlight; never to be shone.

 

COPYRIGHT SAJAN DANGOL 2013.

Secrets of Yesterday

He, as the sun rise upon the morrow,
opens his eyes with the deepest sorrow.
wonder why the night had to end
wonder why the lights had to pretend (of the new days glory)
he has no strength to face the new day,
yesterday’s tomorrow.

Up on the bed he sits
with head held low
caressed by the hand
the same hand that wishes to crush his own skull
rupture it into pieces
puncture the bones.
while he is submerged on these wicked thoughts
like the submarine on the pacific
the eyes are shut.
He cant bare to see
what is HE!

Like a wounded bull in a fight
he takes a deep breath
a panic in his heart
racing like a mad dog.
Grinds the teeth with utmost agony
and clinches his fists.
At the turtle’s pace
Takes a couple of steps
nears the table and
he leans on to it.
He closes his eyes again
visualizing the past
like a 3D movie;
the recent past,
yesterday is what he thinks of.

jerks out the drawer
takes out his gun.
the revolver has a single bullet
he plays the Russian roulette.
At point blank range
he pulls the trigger
BANG!
he is dead.
How lucky he must have wondered!!

as the blood flows
there goes his sorrow
no more tomorrow.
Along with the blood paint,
and the brain graffiti
there lies his deepest secret on the wall.

 

COPYRIGHT SAJAN DANGOL 2012.

Contemplation of the Worthless

Image

sun is shining bright
the alarm is on
its time to get up
you’ve got to contemplate one more day

facebook is the place to be
status are whats there to see
“like” everything you read
cuase there’s just barely anything else to do

youtube sucks anyway
the videos are lame
you just wanna scream
it takes too much time to stream

how can it be this world is so dark and unberable
the things that surround me on my head make me vaulnerable
there is nothing i can do to escape this place
except for the Contemplation of the worthless

you’re watch a movie
your friends are fuckin
your girlfriends cheatin
you wanna fuck that actress on a tv screen

you lock your self in the room
turn off the lights
lay on your bed
contemplate on the things that were never said

how can it be that there is no place to go and hide
so no one could judge on your shame and your false pride
there is nothing i can do to escape this place
except for the Contemplation of the worthless

your music is loud
dont know what the movie’s about
you’re getting bored
you just wanna eat all day

alcohol is the thing for you
drug yourself around
headache abound
contemplate on the things that you did

how can it be that the voices in me are getting loud
search for a better place lies up on the clouds
there is nothing i can do to escape this state
except for the Contemplation of the worthless

you’re onto misery
how i know this?
cause you’re so dumb
contemplate all day cause you’re brain’s all numb

no way i can supress
the feelings i have
the rage i bear lashes out
there’s nothing of this generation to be proud

how can it be that the times are going wrong
what people say and do cant be undone
there is nothing i can do to escape this state
except for the Contemplation of the worthless

COPYRIGHT SAJAN DANGOL 2012.