Suicide Note II

[im not the kind that kills people
im the one that dies for sacrifice.]

The unbeckoned melancholia
kicks in again
the visions and dreams once possessed
are turned into ashes
the histories are being washed away
with the growing tears
its not like everything reminds me of you now that i cant have you
remembering you is a habit
a routine
a curse from the heavens
of mighty disgusting angels where you once bestowed.

happiness has been an urban legend
a folklore
a mystical creature
a mysteries among the river.

im not a fuckin phoenix
that you burn
and i rise again from the ashes.
im washed away by the mere wind.
so i write you a love letter
from these walls im trapped in
from the day you shot me dead
read it
its all over the walls painted in red
the unreckoned melancholia.

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Suicide Note

[q:Why don’t u just get over someone who broke ur heart?
Ans:cause this heart loved her so much….
so much so that i was willing to destroy myself for that girl
and this is me destroying myself]

happiness is a choice
i choose to have it with you
but with you gone out of me forever
under the arms of other
i can feel the photographs of you
crawling beneath my skin
ripping me apart, piece by piece.
so with this heavy heart pulling me down
there is no rising above
i am better yet sunken under this concrete floor
and adapt to the ashes of life-no-more.
the ecstasy of survival
-food, air, water-
seems nothing but futile
suffice no more for the living
as i am no more than dead.

there are no cut marks on my skin
no blood massacre
on the floor
to ease this pain.
no more denial of irresistability
fuck all the responsibility
i am just gonna pop these pills of solace
and lay myself to rest.
end the cycle of transmigration
this is me- self-destruction.

last words for you
hope you honor it:-
and i want you to go tell my mom
its you,
you are the reason her son is dead
you are the reason for her suffering
as you were the reason for his suffering.